I recently got diagnosed with chronic lyme disease. Oddly, for someone who is usually very open with my thoughts, feelings and goings on, I am feeling somewhat hesitant to share this. Weird, I know. I hate complaining to others, and having lyme just feels like one complaint after another. It is hard to find good things to say about it. So, instead of being Debbie Downer in conversation after conversation, as I let everyone in the loop--I figured I would just blog about it. It strikes me now that this is perhaps quite selfish of me. I can drop my lyme bomb without actually having to partake in a bunch of depressing conversations. Good thing I have VERY understanding people in my life! Thanks for taking one for the team, everyone!
I feel like I should share this for several reasons--1. Many of you know I have been struggling with my health for about a year (I have had to stop teaching spin because I can't handle cardio anymore), and would want to know. 2. Those of you who aren't aware may have been wondering why I have I have been different--less social, less energy, less friendly, less attentive, forgetful, not creating, larger (my cortisol levels are climbing and causing me to gain weight no matter what I eat), odd rashes on my body, etc. 3. I could use your understanding and positive vibes right now. 4. Maybe someone out there is struggling with their own diagnosis and could benefit from my journey.
Ok, so that is the bummer--life has given me lyme in excess--how do we turn it into a bloom? Now that we have a diagnosis finally, we can focus on getting N back! I miss her. She wasn't perfect by any means, but she was fun and energetic and loved being surrounded by others. There have been many blooms that have come from this year of crazy symptoms--I have slowed down and learned to focus on the important things. I have learned to rely on others for help--and, *gasp* even ask for it. I have had to come to terms with the fact that I can not be superN, and the more I try, the worse I make it. I am learning to settle for just N--and learning that she can still be super in small spurts intermixed with plenty of naps ;). I have learned to be content without crazy. I have enjoyed deeper relationships, as I have had to lean on others and be more vulnerable.
The road to recovery could be long, and I may even feel worse before I feel better. But, that is ok, I can handle that. The good news is that this disease isn't going to kill me--and in the end, maybe I feel even stronger and be healthier. Lyme-aide anyone?!